happy hmmmmm

i am almost done! i have complete the coursework for nursing school and am currently enjoying the crazy ER for my 8 twelves. it is grand, disgusting, smelly, ridiculous, sad, exciting, fast, and fun, with just the right amount of crazy mixed in. did i mention i love it? did you know that you can have pus that is the consistency of cottage cheese fill up your bladder and that the only way to get any urine out is to push on your bladder so that the horrendous concoction of blood urine and pus can be expelled.... can you imagine...? oh yes, i assure you it... is... possible. just don't ask me about the smell, now that can do me in. it is strong enough to make me question the very nature of my being in nursing school, to second guess this career choice and to think for a few moments that maybe, just maybe.. i am not getting paid enough. i regress, it was fun, it is fun, and anyone who has the chance to triage their way to me is lucky enough to be treated by me. i am great with a needle.
this being done was weird at first, day one after finals, pure lazy bliss, day two... was more like what's next, what am i going to do today, getting stir crazy, getting a little freaked out that i had nothing to do, the longest day of my life. ok ok so i might be a little a d d or o c d, either one, who knows? what i can do is do nothing if i have a good book to read. so that is what i did, i bought 5 books to read. balance restored. this month brings many new beginnings, lots of closure for me and my family. i embark on new goals and aspirations, hannah is happy mom is making breakfast, painting her nails and just "being silly" again. hubby is happy wifey is cooking, able to sit on the couch for awhile with him and have time for other things i am not disclosing (thats my other website, lol, jk, jk) family is happy, i think, that i am done. probably because i am not racing to get off the phone.
anyway i look forward to more time and fun with friends and family. for all of those out there, i thank each and every one of you for help, support, encouragement, for forgiving my repeated absences and most importantly for your love and friendship during these hectic two years. i could not have done it without you. hey i might even have more time for this thing, maybe i'll add some pics (kel) ... maybe..
love you all.

terrible horrible no good very bad day

this will be a slight deviation from my rather enthusiastic proclamations, i warn you now. its heavy. i had a transforming day on wednesday, it transformed me as a nurse, a student, a mom, a person. i have never learned so much in such a short amount of time, like sticking that usb in the back of me head, matrix style-download! what am i talking about, well i am not going to detail about that for various reasons, mainly hippa. (privacy) but i did see a depth of suffering and agony unknown to me before. and it was like it was happening to a dear friend. which was much much worse and yes i am a masochist. i realize that those reading this may have no idea what the hell i am saying, and some do. there was happiness too, there was much family happiness over baby steps of recovery. so i will tell you how i was transformed instead. maybe transformed is the wrong word, inspired is better. i was inspired to be better. thats it, right? just be better. better at my job, better as a mom, better as a wife, better as a believer. my mental health and first declaration towards this was a special mom and hannah day the next day. it was great, pumpkins, puzzles, starbucks, tv, games, lovin, lots of lovin. it did my heart a world of good and i think my best friend liked it too. the other declaration i am making is that i am telling you all how good i really have it. i am usually modest about my marriage, my happiness, never wanting to make another question their own situation, never to invoke envy or whatever. i never want to make my life seem like its just... that... great. as i write, it seems stupid and i am not sure i can really write what i mean. and maybe i am a little superstitious too. like if you say it, it won't come true, yes this is part of it. my childish superstitions, and yes i still will throw spilled salt over my shoulder and think its bad luck to put shoes on anything but the floor, that you should eat the whole fortune cookie to actually get the fortune. hmm i think that's it. well there is this thing with killing ants, but thats another story... oh and i think that seeing a hawk is a good luck sign. and an owl is even better... ok enough of that. anyway, what i want to say is this: i have it great, i have an amazing marriage and i am deliriously happy most days just being home with the hubby and hannah. my hubby is the most romantic, loving, caring, dedicated, funny.. oh he is hilarious though most don't know it. he is the only one in this world who truly understands me, he is the only one who can bring me back from the dark. he is clark kent. he is my modern day mr darcy. he is a good person oh and did i mention he is a great dad too. i see it it in our perfect mix of a daughter's eyes. they glow like only daddy's little girl's eyes can, he is her first love, no doubt about it. and some days i play second fiddle to that, happily watching their interactions and love. being in this family and marriage is the happiest i have felt and the best part is that i get to wake up and start every day that way. yes its busy, yes the house may be a mess at times and yes we fight, passionately, like only two in love could. but the makeup is even better. i have found my soul mate and thought you all should know. this is me being better. or maybe i am just telling you stuff that you already knew (right diane?) and hannah, well i don't know if there is a more delicate, loving soul out there. she is an old soul, full of new wonderment and the best part is that i get to watch.
i am inspired, thank you. i wish you all the same happiness and those that have found it, i wish you long days and short nights with many years to come.

school ugh

i have been neglectful of many things, laundry, dishes, clothes being put away, personal hygiene has even taken a back seat. i really know that i have been neglectful, crabby, stressed nursing student with no time when my daughter hannah asks me out of the blue, "mom are you happy?" at first i was shocked, then sad, then insulted, then a rationale parent. "yes baby, i am always happy when you are around." so now everytime she is around, " are you happy now mama?" with a big grin on her face. "of course baby."

seriously, i am ready for nursing school to be over.

Acts of Nature

sooohoho. its been awhile. school has started, life is crazy and to top of my first week back we had a minor tornado rip thru north central. oh by the way school is gearing up, going along with my theme today, i would like to refer to my current educational state as "the calm before the storm." i have seen a few friends of late, i feel like when i am hanging out that i am a the current freak show at the county fair. "get your tickets get your tickets before its gone folks! one time and one time only before it disappears into oblivion! never to be seen again, just 5 cents!" i soon will be nonexistent friends (except those of the academic social circle of course) until november, till then....
ok but back to nature. this storm, and i say storm but really i was wondering if at one time was some kind of retribution for my sins it was that bad, good thing i have been going to church otherwise i am convinced our home would have been picked up off the ground. i did see toto by the way too, it was incredible. thursday's storm unfortunately took out one of our beautiful trees in the front, which we couldn't see at first because there was no visibility , wind was pushing thru our closed windows, tree limbs were flying every direction, continuous thunder and lightning, utter chaos. hannah slept thru it. go fig. the next morning with no power we surveyed the damage, we lost a sapling in our backyard too. i walked over to it, completely snapped it half. the irony, there was already this fat little yellow worm nestled comfortably in my snapped tree! it was just the icing on the freakin cake. i immediately hated him, he was ugly too, with a gynormous round head. he is still there, i check often hoping to see him fried by the sun. at least i will feel better, vindicated, so there. anyway. so clean up crew on the way, i am getting ready for work with a flashlight, sweating, irritated, i dont even want to touch david or hannah because they are both enormous sweaters and they are both clammy and its hot, did i mention that? life goes on, crazy patient at work freaks out and is wailing on the floor at my feet, naked. thats another story though. yada yada, sunday, after a very fun night with friends of which whom respectively paid their 5 cents to visit, we head home and are getting ready for bed around midnight. i am brushing my teeth, david is chatting taking advantage of my teeth brushing speechlessness., and all of a sudden i hear this loud cracking, that is getting louder and louder. tooth brush still in mouth i am frantically looking for my glasses, like just standing in place rocking to find my glasses (in a moment i went to being a huge fan of lasix) i seriously heard the cartoon sound" i-e-i-e-i-e-i-e-i-e-i" the lights flickered, david grabbed me, my hero, and put me in the doorframe of the bathroom. the thunderous boom that followed the cracking was terrifying, like a bomb and for a moment i did think that maybe we were under attack. the lights went out followed by this bright blue flash, we looked out the bathroom window (it gets better) to see flames now. yeah! fun. david goes to run outside i am still looking for my glasses like an idiot and toothbrush in my mouth. david is cursing at the door because he cant get it open fast enough, finally outside, a 60 foot eucaplytus tree fall into our backyard. took out the power lines, the utility pole is on fire, dangerously close to our pine which is dangerously close to our office. 911, fire dept, aps. i find my glasses and take the toothbrush out just in time for the fire dept to arrive :) the fire petered out, they are all walking around in the backyard, and aps yells "everyone out of the backyard, we have a live wire!" greeeeeaaaaatttt. lucky again, husband was not incinerated. clean up crews arrived the next day, lovely aps restored power, david skipped on the way to the airport to leave us, jk babe, i know you would have loved to stay. all in all broken fence, took out my grapefruit, my oleanders looks like broken bones. lucky it fell they way it did though. crazy stuff. put a spin on "labor day." oh and that freakin worm is still there.

belly up and frozen peas

so we have had some drama of late. hannah noticed that one of our goldfish (one of two btw) was swimming oddly. like on its side, on its back, rolling at the surface of the water. not good behavior por mi pescado. this went on all day, i watched the tank like a car crash, occasionally hitting the glass to try and correct the problem to no avail. it really just freaked all the fish out, but it got their attention. we had the shutter guy here, the security guy here and they all noticed this deviant behavior and commented on it. the security guy said he had plenty of gold fish that acted like that, and basically that it was just gas and it goes away...... awkward.......
i am willing to believe my fish has gas, so maybe i could help. i told him well may be if i just shook him it would bubble out. i figured this was a bad idea by the look of horror that ran across his face. i laughed, just joking i said.. ha.... haaaa... but????? anyway, so i waited until he left to do it. it didn't work. back to the drawing board. hannah was getting more stressed, i couldn't tear myself away from the tank. it was awful, waiting, watching, floating. it was sad! he was even trying to wiggle his little fish body under the beautiful plastic foliage to keep himself from floating up. sad indeed! david finally couldn't handle his girls acting histrionic any longer and came up with the hero idea to check the internet for a cure! brilliant! i typed "fish keeps floating to surface of the water" stroke of genius, i know. several links popped up titled, "swim bladder disease". it is a result of a bacteria or virus or anatomy and overfeeding. change the water, check, feed less... ok but this is not my fault but check anyway, feed fish a frozen pea... ok next web page, another and another, frozen peas!!! seriously does everyone know this bit of info? but me? we were giving the fish its last rites here so what was there to lose? take one frozen pea, defrost, deskin, chop in fourths and put fish in separate container. it apparently acts like a laxative because with swim bladder diseases they are basically constipated with gas and food and the trapped gas makes them keep floating where they inhale more air... its a vicious sad cycle. we waited with baited breath, he ate most of the pea. waited, ok really we vegged out in front of the tv for like an hour and forgot about it then checked later to find the whole little fish bowl floating with fish poo! i mean like cloudy fish poo major dumping water (no dumping in the water, get it, lol)! i was bummed i missed it, seriously like there had to have been some serious fish constipation grimaces going on. dumb and dumber scene? it was a miracle!!! no floating! he even looked relieved. we put him in the tank and this morning still alive! no floating! so ladies and gents, frozen peas is a miracle cure. question is, how did they figure out that one?

working out is bad for you health

i feel like i have worked out just my neck and back out for a week. my headache borders on annoying after 800mg of ibuprofen, everything is pretty much irritating. but what to expect from a drunk and drugged red light runner who slams in to your car going 50? optimistically it could be worse, i could have accelerated and been crushed, optimistically, i could have gotten out of the car with my 4-inch buck knife and decided that the drunken drugger needs a makeover from hannibal lecter, optimistically, hannah wasn't with me which saved him from years of unproductive, unsatisfactory sex life. hmmmm i could keep going..... but i believe you get the picture. he'll have his day in court, and if i do have to show, well, that will be unfortunate :) i just am not sure how i feel about going to work out in the early hours any longer, the roads are not safe at 5am people! beware! with that said, all you people stop calling me! seriously the phone hasn't stopped ringing from 700am! note:hit by car, severe headache, need to sleep, unwritten law says don't call before 9! oh and hubby if you are reading, thanks for deciding today was the day to try and keep hannah from sesame street. it worked out well wouldn't you say?! (that last part is dripping with sarcasm). tomorrow will be better.

home

ahh. just the thought of the smell of home and hannah is enough to want me to race back even from the most beautiful of paradise. in this case it was oahu. beautiful piece of property, good friends and family which always make for good entertainment. got back late last night, and for those in attendance i wasn't kidding when i said don't call for about a week! it was a wonderful vacation with its fair share of family drama, dirty looks, exaggerated sighing, laziness, beautiful scenery, exotic fish (love the parrotfish i have to say) feeling fat in a bikini, "girth"tuous buffets, (enter fat in bikini again), crazy cab drivers and major generational gaps which always make for an adventurous nightlife. all in all i would say a success. oh except for the loss of one hundred bucks, headaches, head slamming, abcesses, alligator rashes that spread, back aches, periods, jellyfish, a near-death at hanauma bay, and several unfortunate event with beverages. but on the good side, well, it just makes you love your family more doesn't it? they sure can bring out the best and worst like no one else can. with that said, a good year till the next family vacay is plenty. jk! liz jkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjkjk. i heard that a million times this trip. i may be off this weekend for another adventure with hubby and hannah, of then which i will be sick of them as well and all will be back to normal. ttfn

Week

i have to admit, its easy to forget this thing. what a week, though i know you don't care what i had for lunch, to sum up my week might be a tad more appealing? maybe? well thought mom had atherosclerosis, worked 14 hours, sat once--yes once-- thought mom had an ulcer, tried to clean the house, mom had gallbladder removed, worked again, and still haven't got to the planning stages of hawaii and or sedona which is vastly approaching. but my butt hurts from working out every morning at 5am. yes. as i write it doesn't seem that hectic, i assure you it was.
i was conversing loudly with hubby this morning, and i heard this little confident voice telling me i need to take a break. "take a break mom, take a break" uh-huh. 3.5 yrs old. i am in for a rough adolescence.
a stange phenomenon occured today, at my workout class a woman wore a shirt that advertised, meaning she took a black marker and wrote it on her shirt, that said, "9/11 survivor, wtc 92nd floor" i noticed it first thing and when off to the side asked her (yes like a dope) if her shirt was real. well of course it was, who would wear that if they weren't right? anyway she said something to that affect, and i just shook her hand and said amazing and that i was glad to have met her. the thing is, no one else questioned her about her shirt. no one asked her! i don't believe that she announced it to the 30 other women in attendanceperviously, so... i just don't get it. is it the risk of uncomfort to them or her? is it still such an issue to not talk about, too soon? i mean if she didn't want to talk about it, don't wear the shirt. it started me thinking about us as a society, ok not really, i am just thinking it now. but seriously how f%$#^! up. how about just a little something, i don't know. but everyone is so concerned about not offending or being so pc that its over the top. not to question, just to know the experience of an individual who first hand lived through one of the most significant events in us history. it would be an honor to hear, but also a lesson. hmmm. got any other impressions?

oink oink

this is just a little blurb with some minor vegetarian ramblings.. minor! stick with me, i know i am outnumbered but its just that sometimes the absurd carnivorous world is funny. i am making sandwiches for hubby and hannah and they want, you got it a ham sandwich. ok no prob, i have handled a bit of meat before right? ok you sick and twisted friends of mine, leave that alone-i mean meat you eat. hahaha! this is getting worse.... anyway, the ham, its oscar meyer, is honey flavored, its water added and its.. ready-- shaved. this mental picture that came searing across my mind was some bloodied hunter telling his butcher as he hands him a huge still warm hog, "i'll pick it up tomorrow, and i want it shaved" i mean its like the movie saw for the animal world, of course hopefully they are dead before the shaving begins. anyone with me on this? a little sick, a little funny, totally unappetizing. i mean even if you ate meat i am not sure it has to be said. i understand it equates to being sliced very thinly, but still. ok vegetarian proclamation is officially over- sorry- for the pig!

happy birthday liz!

Day 2

ha! and you thought i wouldn't write huh? today is my dear friends birthday, she joins the ranks of 28ers like myself. interesting age. she is nose deep in her career and loving the city dating circle of denver, which could be the 7th circle of hell for all i know, but at least she is happy. my daughters ballet tap recital (1st!) is today, i will have to post pics of that later, she has been galloping around the house like a midget ballerina all morning. i.... do ... not... get.... it..... never did. it has to be some recessive trait or mutation! yeah-mutation. i asked my husband last night a question of which i will ask you as well, we were all snuggly in the bed, gazing dreamily into each others eyes and i asked: "would you rather burn to death or bleed to death from all your limbs getting hacked off?" fortunately, my husband understands 1 my dark side 2 my knack for timing. then i had to explain to him that you of course had to go through having your limbs getting hacked off first, he chose fire after much eye rolling and sighing. so i pose this question to you. i may actually have to have a section here for my dark side, or as my nurse friends call it "kaitlin's little dark spot of her heart." hey no judging here! so answer! muahhhahhhahhaa!

Attempt

Ok - so here it goes, not that i am promising commitment here. the diary i promised to keep has long been functionally put to use to elevate something or other so this should be interesting. why not? i am sitting here partly regretting this already yet interested and and driven enough with 3 cups of coffee to at least make one blog today and even load a pic! applause? no? well anyway, i think that i will run this as a up to date, pay as you go installation. rehashing all my past events from even last week seems daunting, thus, today as of 9:23 am i am getting groomed by my 3 year old with a doll brush, have a dog walking around with socks on her paws my house is a mess and hmmm i need to paint a dresser! FUN. other than that my life is consumed my ms meyers literary prose to an unhealthy level and i am working my butt off, (to no avail) to look decent in a bikini in hawaii in a few weeks. feel free to post online motivation ha ha. more like feel free to come a bolt down my cupboard and fridge.
my daughter hannah, love of my life, she is silent in the other room, which only means sinister plans are about to wreck havoc somewhere.... i must go.