VENT

so i know its been awhile....
ill think about it later and possibly update this thing later when i am not so.. who are we kidding?
i just need to post and vent because its too early to call any friends and family.
547am: alarm to house goes off signaling there is a fire in the house. i run to the alarm (9 months pregnant) half crazed and dazed with sleep and blind not to mention. i scream hubby's name for him to come hurling around the corner half dressed. apparently the steam from the ridiculously long showers he takes set off the fire alarm, which in turn set off the house alarm.
550am: house phone rings from alarm company
551am: i try to go back to sleep and direct a startled daughter back to bed as well
551-605am: we stare at each other through the breaking dawn. i am already starting to sweat for the day.
607am: make coffee because what the hell else am i going to do!
610am: open door to get paper, bottom of the door catches my foot which is now cut and bleeding. i have to somehow lean over and clean and bandage my foot (9 months pregnant)
615am: tell daughter to feed the dogs and not play with the hose because its too early.
617am: try to feed the cat and the stupid little metal pull tab on the wet cat food breaks off in my hand.... debate whether to bother feeding cat or try again later.
625am: pour daughter a glass of apple juice in which some way i poured half the glass on the counter which is dripping off onto the cabinet onto my new wound dressing.... (huge sigh-i decide to leave it alone and let it dry versus bending over again)
630am: a soaking wet pug comes screaming through the house and i realize daughter has already chosen to ignore me for the day, the dogs are wet, the entire patio is wet, and i look down and see she is wearing her brand new school shoes which are... you guessed it
635am: sweating, mad and realizing i should go back to bed, i undress child and remove school shoes, walk in the house and drop them on the floor. mud goes everywhere. apparently the bottoms were covered.... almost in tears now i am cleaning mud off the floor and table.
i am still sweating, i am already exhausted, frustrated to the limit for a day oh yeah and its just
645am.

accelerate-brake-accelerate

it won't take a genius to guess where i am going by the title. quick recap-finished nursing school, xmas/break, studied for boards, took boards, short break started work, started asu and now just currently in an odd time continuum of workworkwork then off. not that i am complaining i like having 5 days off in a row, i just have to get used to working the 36 hours in a row! and dealing with some of you people! let me tell you now, if you had any doubts that society is on the whole crazy, dumb, violent and manipulative, you are wrong! it is all that and more and i can't wait to see what my second week of work brings.... craziest stuff, hmm (cause i know some of you read this just for the gross stories, you know who you are are) a patient whose sole of their foot was looking upwards was interesting, like literally you could see the bottom of the foot looking down, get it? a peritonsillar abscess that almost occluded an airway- oh they have to take a scalpel and puncture that baby to drain it-thats the treatment with a load of antibiotics....can you imagine? i kept thinking if any of that crap drained down my throat after they punctured it i would have to kill someone. my favorite was the manic pt who thought it completely normal to jump into the pool with clothes on... oh and 'rents get your kids vaccinated please, it is not worth the alternatives. the good news, i have more time with the family, i love my job it is fun and entertaining, hannah loves that her mom is a nurse, and every once in awhile i actually help someone who really needs it and makes putting up with the crazies, worth it.

happy hmmmmm

i am almost done! i have complete the coursework for nursing school and am currently enjoying the crazy ER for my 8 twelves. it is grand, disgusting, smelly, ridiculous, sad, exciting, fast, and fun, with just the right amount of crazy mixed in. did i mention i love it? did you know that you can have pus that is the consistency of cottage cheese fill up your bladder and that the only way to get any urine out is to push on your bladder so that the horrendous concoction of blood urine and pus can be expelled.... can you imagine...? oh yes, i assure you it... is... possible. just don't ask me about the smell, now that can do me in. it is strong enough to make me question the very nature of my being in nursing school, to second guess this career choice and to think for a few moments that maybe, just maybe.. i am not getting paid enough. i regress, it was fun, it is fun, and anyone who has the chance to triage their way to me is lucky enough to be treated by me. i am great with a needle.
this being done was weird at first, day one after finals, pure lazy bliss, day two... was more like what's next, what am i going to do today, getting stir crazy, getting a little freaked out that i had nothing to do, the longest day of my life. ok ok so i might be a little a d d or o c d, either one, who knows? what i can do is do nothing if i have a good book to read. so that is what i did, i bought 5 books to read. balance restored. this month brings many new beginnings, lots of closure for me and my family. i embark on new goals and aspirations, hannah is happy mom is making breakfast, painting her nails and just "being silly" again. hubby is happy wifey is cooking, able to sit on the couch for awhile with him and have time for other things i am not disclosing (thats my other website, lol, jk, jk) family is happy, i think, that i am done. probably because i am not racing to get off the phone.
anyway i look forward to more time and fun with friends and family. for all of those out there, i thank each and every one of you for help, support, encouragement, for forgiving my repeated absences and most importantly for your love and friendship during these hectic two years. i could not have done it without you. hey i might even have more time for this thing, maybe i'll add some pics (kel) ... maybe..
love you all.

terrible horrible no good very bad day

this will be a slight deviation from my rather enthusiastic proclamations, i warn you now. its heavy. i had a transforming day on wednesday, it transformed me as a nurse, a student, a mom, a person. i have never learned so much in such a short amount of time, like sticking that usb in the back of me head, matrix style-download! what am i talking about, well i am not going to detail about that for various reasons, mainly hippa. (privacy) but i did see a depth of suffering and agony unknown to me before. and it was like it was happening to a dear friend. which was much much worse and yes i am a masochist. i realize that those reading this may have no idea what the hell i am saying, and some do. there was happiness too, there was much family happiness over baby steps of recovery. so i will tell you how i was transformed instead. maybe transformed is the wrong word, inspired is better. i was inspired to be better. thats it, right? just be better. better at my job, better as a mom, better as a wife, better as a believer. my mental health and first declaration towards this was a special mom and hannah day the next day. it was great, pumpkins, puzzles, starbucks, tv, games, lovin, lots of lovin. it did my heart a world of good and i think my best friend liked it too. the other declaration i am making is that i am telling you all how good i really have it. i am usually modest about my marriage, my happiness, never wanting to make another question their own situation, never to invoke envy or whatever. i never want to make my life seem like its just... that... great. as i write, it seems stupid and i am not sure i can really write what i mean. and maybe i am a little superstitious too. like if you say it, it won't come true, yes this is part of it. my childish superstitions, and yes i still will throw spilled salt over my shoulder and think its bad luck to put shoes on anything but the floor, that you should eat the whole fortune cookie to actually get the fortune. hmm i think that's it. well there is this thing with killing ants, but thats another story... oh and i think that seeing a hawk is a good luck sign. and an owl is even better... ok enough of that. anyway, what i want to say is this: i have it great, i have an amazing marriage and i am deliriously happy most days just being home with the hubby and hannah. my hubby is the most romantic, loving, caring, dedicated, funny.. oh he is hilarious though most don't know it. he is the only one in this world who truly understands me, he is the only one who can bring me back from the dark. he is clark kent. he is my modern day mr darcy. he is a good person oh and did i mention he is a great dad too. i see it it in our perfect mix of a daughter's eyes. they glow like only daddy's little girl's eyes can, he is her first love, no doubt about it. and some days i play second fiddle to that, happily watching their interactions and love. being in this family and marriage is the happiest i have felt and the best part is that i get to wake up and start every day that way. yes its busy, yes the house may be a mess at times and yes we fight, passionately, like only two in love could. but the makeup is even better. i have found my soul mate and thought you all should know. this is me being better. or maybe i am just telling you stuff that you already knew (right diane?) and hannah, well i don't know if there is a more delicate, loving soul out there. she is an old soul, full of new wonderment and the best part is that i get to watch.
i am inspired, thank you. i wish you all the same happiness and those that have found it, i wish you long days and short nights with many years to come.

school ugh

i have been neglectful of many things, laundry, dishes, clothes being put away, personal hygiene has even taken a back seat. i really know that i have been neglectful, crabby, stressed nursing student with no time when my daughter hannah asks me out of the blue, "mom are you happy?" at first i was shocked, then sad, then insulted, then a rationale parent. "yes baby, i am always happy when you are around." so now everytime she is around, " are you happy now mama?" with a big grin on her face. "of course baby."

seriously, i am ready for nursing school to be over.

Acts of Nature

sooohoho. its been awhile. school has started, life is crazy and to top of my first week back we had a minor tornado rip thru north central. oh by the way school is gearing up, going along with my theme today, i would like to refer to my current educational state as "the calm before the storm." i have seen a few friends of late, i feel like when i am hanging out that i am a the current freak show at the county fair. "get your tickets get your tickets before its gone folks! one time and one time only before it disappears into oblivion! never to be seen again, just 5 cents!" i soon will be nonexistent friends (except those of the academic social circle of course) until november, till then....
ok but back to nature. this storm, and i say storm but really i was wondering if at one time was some kind of retribution for my sins it was that bad, good thing i have been going to church otherwise i am convinced our home would have been picked up off the ground. i did see toto by the way too, it was incredible. thursday's storm unfortunately took out one of our beautiful trees in the front, which we couldn't see at first because there was no visibility , wind was pushing thru our closed windows, tree limbs were flying every direction, continuous thunder and lightning, utter chaos. hannah slept thru it. go fig. the next morning with no power we surveyed the damage, we lost a sapling in our backyard too. i walked over to it, completely snapped it half. the irony, there was already this fat little yellow worm nestled comfortably in my snapped tree! it was just the icing on the freakin cake. i immediately hated him, he was ugly too, with a gynormous round head. he is still there, i check often hoping to see him fried by the sun. at least i will feel better, vindicated, so there. anyway. so clean up crew on the way, i am getting ready for work with a flashlight, sweating, irritated, i dont even want to touch david or hannah because they are both enormous sweaters and they are both clammy and its hot, did i mention that? life goes on, crazy patient at work freaks out and is wailing on the floor at my feet, naked. thats another story though. yada yada, sunday, after a very fun night with friends of which whom respectively paid their 5 cents to visit, we head home and are getting ready for bed around midnight. i am brushing my teeth, david is chatting taking advantage of my teeth brushing speechlessness., and all of a sudden i hear this loud cracking, that is getting louder and louder. tooth brush still in mouth i am frantically looking for my glasses, like just standing in place rocking to find my glasses (in a moment i went to being a huge fan of lasix) i seriously heard the cartoon sound" i-e-i-e-i-e-i-e-i-e-i" the lights flickered, david grabbed me, my hero, and put me in the doorframe of the bathroom. the thunderous boom that followed the cracking was terrifying, like a bomb and for a moment i did think that maybe we were under attack. the lights went out followed by this bright blue flash, we looked out the bathroom window (it gets better) to see flames now. yeah! fun. david goes to run outside i am still looking for my glasses like an idiot and toothbrush in my mouth. david is cursing at the door because he cant get it open fast enough, finally outside, a 60 foot eucaplytus tree fall into our backyard. took out the power lines, the utility pole is on fire, dangerously close to our pine which is dangerously close to our office. 911, fire dept, aps. i find my glasses and take the toothbrush out just in time for the fire dept to arrive :) the fire petered out, they are all walking around in the backyard, and aps yells "everyone out of the backyard, we have a live wire!" greeeeeaaaaatttt. lucky again, husband was not incinerated. clean up crews arrived the next day, lovely aps restored power, david skipped on the way to the airport to leave us, jk babe, i know you would have loved to stay. all in all broken fence, took out my grapefruit, my oleanders looks like broken bones. lucky it fell they way it did though. crazy stuff. put a spin on "labor day." oh and that freakin worm is still there.

belly up and frozen peas

so we have had some drama of late. hannah noticed that one of our goldfish (one of two btw) was swimming oddly. like on its side, on its back, rolling at the surface of the water. not good behavior por mi pescado. this went on all day, i watched the tank like a car crash, occasionally hitting the glass to try and correct the problem to no avail. it really just freaked all the fish out, but it got their attention. we had the shutter guy here, the security guy here and they all noticed this deviant behavior and commented on it. the security guy said he had plenty of gold fish that acted like that, and basically that it was just gas and it goes away...... awkward.......
i am willing to believe my fish has gas, so maybe i could help. i told him well may be if i just shook him it would bubble out. i figured this was a bad idea by the look of horror that ran across his face. i laughed, just joking i said.. ha.... haaaa... but????? anyway, so i waited until he left to do it. it didn't work. back to the drawing board. hannah was getting more stressed, i couldn't tear myself away from the tank. it was awful, waiting, watching, floating. it was sad! he was even trying to wiggle his little fish body under the beautiful plastic foliage to keep himself from floating up. sad indeed! david finally couldn't handle his girls acting histrionic any longer and came up with the hero idea to check the internet for a cure! brilliant! i typed "fish keeps floating to surface of the water" stroke of genius, i know. several links popped up titled, "swim bladder disease". it is a result of a bacteria or virus or anatomy and overfeeding. change the water, check, feed less... ok but this is not my fault but check anyway, feed fish a frozen pea... ok next web page, another and another, frozen peas!!! seriously does everyone know this bit of info? but me? we were giving the fish its last rites here so what was there to lose? take one frozen pea, defrost, deskin, chop in fourths and put fish in separate container. it apparently acts like a laxative because with swim bladder diseases they are basically constipated with gas and food and the trapped gas makes them keep floating where they inhale more air... its a vicious sad cycle. we waited with baited breath, he ate most of the pea. waited, ok really we vegged out in front of the tv for like an hour and forgot about it then checked later to find the whole little fish bowl floating with fish poo! i mean like cloudy fish poo major dumping water (no dumping in the water, get it, lol)! i was bummed i missed it, seriously like there had to have been some serious fish constipation grimaces going on. dumb and dumber scene? it was a miracle!!! no floating! he even looked relieved. we put him in the tank and this morning still alive! no floating! so ladies and gents, frozen peas is a miracle cure. question is, how did they figure out that one?