terrible horrible no good very bad day

this will be a slight deviation from my rather enthusiastic proclamations, i warn you now. its heavy. i had a transforming day on wednesday, it transformed me as a nurse, a student, a mom, a person. i have never learned so much in such a short amount of time, like sticking that usb in the back of me head, matrix style-download! what am i talking about, well i am not going to detail about that for various reasons, mainly hippa. (privacy) but i did see a depth of suffering and agony unknown to me before. and it was like it was happening to a dear friend. which was much much worse and yes i am a masochist. i realize that those reading this may have no idea what the hell i am saying, and some do. there was happiness too, there was much family happiness over baby steps of recovery. so i will tell you how i was transformed instead. maybe transformed is the wrong word, inspired is better. i was inspired to be better. thats it, right? just be better. better at my job, better as a mom, better as a wife, better as a believer. my mental health and first declaration towards this was a special mom and hannah day the next day. it was great, pumpkins, puzzles, starbucks, tv, games, lovin, lots of lovin. it did my heart a world of good and i think my best friend liked it too. the other declaration i am making is that i am telling you all how good i really have it. i am usually modest about my marriage, my happiness, never wanting to make another question their own situation, never to invoke envy or whatever. i never want to make my life seem like its just... that... great. as i write, it seems stupid and i am not sure i can really write what i mean. and maybe i am a little superstitious too. like if you say it, it won't come true, yes this is part of it. my childish superstitions, and yes i still will throw spilled salt over my shoulder and think its bad luck to put shoes on anything but the floor, that you should eat the whole fortune cookie to actually get the fortune. hmm i think that's it. well there is this thing with killing ants, but thats another story... oh and i think that seeing a hawk is a good luck sign. and an owl is even better... ok enough of that. anyway, what i want to say is this: i have it great, i have an amazing marriage and i am deliriously happy most days just being home with the hubby and hannah. my hubby is the most romantic, loving, caring, dedicated, funny.. oh he is hilarious though most don't know it. he is the only one in this world who truly understands me, he is the only one who can bring me back from the dark. he is clark kent. he is my modern day mr darcy. he is a good person oh and did i mention he is a great dad too. i see it it in our perfect mix of a daughter's eyes. they glow like only daddy's little girl's eyes can, he is her first love, no doubt about it. and some days i play second fiddle to that, happily watching their interactions and love. being in this family and marriage is the happiest i have felt and the best part is that i get to wake up and start every day that way. yes its busy, yes the house may be a mess at times and yes we fight, passionately, like only two in love could. but the makeup is even better. i have found my soul mate and thought you all should know. this is me being better. or maybe i am just telling you stuff that you already knew (right diane?) and hannah, well i don't know if there is a more delicate, loving soul out there. she is an old soul, full of new wonderment and the best part is that i get to watch.
i am inspired, thank you. i wish you all the same happiness and those that have found it, i wish you long days and short nights with many years to come.